It's a Mad Mad World
by Memory25
Summary: Funny thing about being reborn in the Naruto world... SI/OC insert
1. Chapter 1

**Someone once asked me to write an insert into the Naruto world. As an Uchiha. Who was that again?**

**Well. Whoever it was, good job. You just kickstarted another fic. (And here I was thinking I wasn't going to do it and going to put up a poll to ask you guys first. Sigh, brain. Y u do dis?)**

* * *

Funny thing about being reborn in the Naruto world.

Oh wait, sorry, was I supposed to describe my entering the world via my mother's uterus, the shrill scream of terror I gave out when I saw light for the first time in nine months, the previous trance in the dark I had when I was still developing through the stages of an embryo?

Oh right, I just did.

Funny thing about being reborn in the Naruto world.

What do you mean I can't say that? What? I need to describe the difficulty of going through the baby stage, the toddler stage, and even the dawning realization when I found out I was in the Naruto world?

I…oh fuck it! If you're so clever, then why don't YOU tell me what I experienced then?

Nothing?

I thought so.

So… _Funny thing about being reborn in the Naruto world. _

GODDAMNIT. I'll repeat the line as many times as I want! Do you want to know what happened or not?!

…

…

Hmph. Funny…oh for fuck's sake. Even _I'm _tired of saying it again. You really take the fun out of everything, you know?

Anyway, what I said above.

…Look what you did. I lost my train of thought.

xXXx

Okay, I got it back. Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to repeat the sentence again.

So…I was reborn in the Naruto world.

As who? Well…here's the funny part.

I'm an Uchiha.

Ahahahahahaha! Isn't it funny? I'm gonna die in a few years when Itachi goes batshit crazy! Ahahahahaha!

Guess I know why I remembered my past life, because I won't even get to use it before I go bye bye again.

And _yes, _I read far enough ahead that I know that Itachi is actually innocent, and that Danzo and not-Madara and blahblahblah were behind the Uchiha massacre. But when you think about it, _who _picks the village over the clan like that? I mean, it's not like he was closer to his colleagues than _family _right?

Right?

…

Well, I don't _know. _I was, actually, just born yesterday, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not making a lot of sense. How can I be born yesterday and know I'm in the Naruto world without even opening my eyes yet?

Well for one, I'm _Uchiha _Midori. My ears work just fine after they cleaned the birthing gunk off me.

For another, the midwife was a medic-nin. She was using some fancy jutsu to ease my birth and check my vitals. I think even I can understand when someone says 'something-something jutsu' and pushes stuff into me.

Oh yeah, chakra feels weird by the way.

If you're wondering if the theories are true and that as someone from a place without chakra, I am therefore 'chakra-sensitive'…you would be wrong.

The truth?

Our world also has chakra.

Yeah, you heard me. _Our world has chakra. _

So why don't we have ninjas jumping about performing jutsus?

Obviously, because we never got a Sage of Six Paths to create a whole branch of chakra-use and teach it to us. We've got chakra, that's why we've got those weird psychic people who can lift stuff with the power of their 'minds', but we never learnt how to harness it, so in the end it's just a bunch of energy in us.

Anyway, I'm not chakra-sensitive. So there.

What does using chakra feel like?

Well _I don't know! _I haven't even tried tapping into it yet! I'm just a baby, you know, and excuse you if you think that just because my mind is working at an adult's level that my brain is.

What? Mind and brain are the same?

Bzz! Nope. My mind here is more linked to my soul. In terms of chakra, it would be the spiritual portion. My brain is the physical portion because it's the part that receives outside information through my senses and sends messages to different parts of my body to act on it.

But memories are part of the brain, because that's how you get amnesia? Well…_I don't know. _I'm just working on conjecture here! Even I don't understand how I could keep my past-life memories in a baby brain that's supposed to be clean and not explode! Nobody told me how this works!

What? I _should _know? Well what the hell do you suppose I should do? Go up to someone and ask them how I remember my past life? Oh, and that I coincidentally have knowledge of the events that will happen in the next decade or so?

…Yeah. They wouldn't even sic a Yamanaka on me, they'd just throw me in the loony bin.

_Anyway, _I've digressed again. And it's all your fault!

I'm Uchiha Midori. I'm one day old and I'm going to die soon.

What? Train and get stronger so that I can stop Itachi from, if not killing the clan, at least not killing me off?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! What are you on and can I have some? Itachi was a _genius _and not only that, he has the _mangekyo sharingan. _Are you asking me to fall in love or befriend someone and then tear my heart out killing him/her so that I can get it?

…You mad, bro?

And to make things tougher, fake-Madara (Coughobitocough) will be helping him. So even if I can survive Itachi (AHAHAHAHAHA) I still have to survive him.

…Still think I can survive?

Yeah, I thought so.

Oh wells, I guess I'll just enjoy what time I have left~

* * *

**...Do I have to say anything else?**

**AHAHAHAHAHA.**

**Memory25**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, because my brain is buzzing. Unlike my brain in this story. Lol.**

* * *

So here's the thing about being a baby.

Yeah, yeah, I'm following protocol and describing my baby experience.

…Just listen okay?

So here's the thing about being a baby…

…You don't remember anything.

What? I'm supposed to be aware of my surroundings while I'm in a baby's body because my mind is an adult's?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

To be aware of my surroundings I have to be able to sense stuff. So that I can use the input knowledge to conjecture and stuff. The thing about being a baby?

…You sleep through most of it.

And you don't dream. Because your brain hasn't received enough stimulus to actually picture stuff. You get a mass of blobs when you open your eyes, maybe something fuzzy if it gets close enough, and your nose is as good as useless. Most of your input comes from touch and while you're a delicate widdle baby, you don't get more than bed, human, Mummy, food.

Why's mummy so special?

Because I'm a breastfed baby, duh.

And because I'm a special baby with past-life memories, I can differentiate between Mummy and food. Isn't that wonderful?

_I know right?_

Oh, the perverts want to know what breastfeeding is like?

Well what do you _think? _Go suckle a boob and you'll know. Just without teeth, so pluck out all your teeth before you do that.

And so there we have it: The life of a baby with the mind of an adult!

Awesome.

Ah. You want to know what I did with my time? Oh, I'm supposed to be thinking about what to do?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

I'm a _baby. _More than 99% of my time is spent sleeping, eating, and pooping. I'm not even really aware of doing all that—it's just some kind of baby instinct.

Time? What time? You know how people describe being only peripherally aware while in the womb? It's the same for the first few weeks as a baby.

After that? You're a little more aware, so you know when to cry when you're hungry and poopy.

Oh, and if they don't burp you, you can projectile vomit now.

Isn't that great?

xXXx

The transition from baby to toddler is pretty abrupt.

Well, physically, it isn't. But people start categorizing you as a toddler only when you can interact with others.

So…basically when you finally move around on your own.

At two months old, my eyesight cleared up enough that I could see stuff without squinting. (Not that squinting helped. It was like I had this cataract over my eyeballs fogging everything over) So I could go 'goo goo' when my mom or whoever was holding me started talking.

Can baby's say other things?

…Nope. It's the default. Other than screaming, my throat only does 'goo goo'. So 'aww, aren't you a cute widdle baby', gets 'goo goo', and 'isn't my baby just adowable' gets 'goo goo', and 'you little shit' gets either 'goo goo' or 'EEEEEEEEeee' depending on the tone.

It's wonderful. Now I can express the two fundamental touchstones of language.

'Yes' and 'No'.

If you're wondering why a lot of people are more inclined to saying 'yes' than 'no', it's because 'no' is a lot harder on the throat than 'yes'. That's why the babies who dare use 'no' more, are the ones who will rule the world.

Muahahahaha.

Okay, fine. I said 'yes' more.

…'EEEEEeee' is PAINFUL, okay?!

And now you know why toddlers love 'no' when we can finally say it. We don't have to hurt ourselves anymore.

So, at six to eight months, my vocabulary expands. In addition to 'goo goo' and 'EEEeee', I have 'badabada', 'Ehehehehehe', and other assorted non-words. I can even say 'goo goo _ga ga' _now.

Basically, I can pronounce all those pesky consonants that have previously eluded me.

…So why didn't I go straight to words?

By the way, I have my first tooth!

…It itches.

Anyway, I can't say words because my mouth won't let me.

…What? I just know that I can't say them when I try! How should I know why? I'm not a baby manual!

And my tooth _hurts. _It's itchy in the painful way and I can't scratch it. I 'EEEeeee'd for the longest time until they stuck this cold gummy thing in my mouth that eased the ache.

'EEEeee' is just for no? Now when did I say that? It's multi-purpose, fool! Do you think 'goo goo' would get their attention easier?

Thought not.

Yeah, whatever. So eight-months-old and blabbering nonsense that _almost _sound like words.

Walking?

Erm, _no. _Do you know how difficult it is to get on my feet?

I shuffled about on my butt (I bet I wiped the floor clean for mom a lot) and maybe crawled some, but I couldn't get on my feet no matter how hard I tried.

…And here you were asking me to take on Itachi. Haha_ha. _

So a year came and I finally blurted out 'kaakaa' like some kind of crow. They'd been teaching me names of stuff, handing me something or pointing it out and then saying them in an exaggerated manner.

So 'kaakaa' to my mother, who was so happy she flipped out and burnt down the backyard with Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu.

…I probably shouldn't have said that while she was practicing.

But no time like the present, right?

So one year and my first word done and me just barely able to get to my feet by clinging onto stuff and balancing on wobbly feet. Subsequent tries to even inch my feet forward just ended up with me flopping onto my butt.

Genius, huh?

All in all, it took me a year and a half to become what is classified as a 'toddler', because obviously I can't toddle when I can't even walk.

…Yes. I know it's a little later than most.

_Anyway. _So, what was I feeling throughout this excruciatingly slow period of development, you ask?

For one…I didn't really think a lot. I mean, I _tried _but I didn't have nearly enough brainpower to process the thoughts I was trying to think, so I mostly shut down whenever I went further than learning to walk and talk. I think my parents thought I was narcoleptic, the way I'd suddenly doze off in the middle of a baby-sentence.

Yeah, I was a strange baby.

Also, if I got too frustrated, I started to cry, and crying wears me out like nothing else. I'd end up completely stoned for the next few days and there went my walking practice time.

Besides, it wasn't as if I was naturally inclined to ponder all that stuff. In fact, I had to force myself to concentrate the few times I tried. And the moment I got too stressed or sad or angry or basically negative, I'd burst into tears and bye bye progress.

If you were to ask me, the first few months as a baby was like having a brain of Swiss cheese, where all the stuff I thought about simply poured out into the ether. I wasn't _capable _of holding a thought long enough to actually think it.

I _also _wasn't capable of angsting, which to me, was a great advantage. Like I said, negative emotions made me automatically burst into tears and pass out. After I came to, it'd be like a clean slate and I'd revert to happy-go-luckiness.

I was a cheerful baby. Mostly. Outside of the strange crying fits and fainting spells.

…I think my mom took me to the hospital a few times. Medic chakra is kind of different.

Oh yeah, I never told you what medic chakra feels like, right?

Well. It's like taking a sedative. Or at least, I think they purposely made it that way so that I'd stay calm? So it was morphine without the needle. Awesome.

So what does normal chakra feel like?

…I don't know.

Huh what? You're surprised?

Well how would I get the chance to know what normal chakra feels like when nobody's used anything but medical jutsu on me? Geez, keep up!

I'm a _baby. _You really think my parents would allow people to perform random jutsu on me? Er…no. They're not _Orochimaru _you know?

Yes, yes. Uchiha are nice people. Oh the horror.

Oh _grow up_.

* * *

**My somewhat spastic account of my baby years. Oh noes! I guess you can guess what comes next right?**

**Memory25**


	3. Chapter 3

**Third development! End of the 'baby/toddler' years. I think. Ehehehehe. Anyway.**

* * *

Remember when I said that Uchiha were nice people?

I'm not taking it back. But I've got an amendment to add.

They're _mad. _

I remember somewhere that the ages between one and three are the years where babies learnt the most.

Obviously the Uchiha knew that.

So the moment I could wobble around on my chubby legs was the moment my mother hauled me outside to teach me how to feel chakra.

Er yeah. You heard right.

(_My mother is crazy!)_

So the feeling of chakra?

Like blood.

Oh don't look at me like that! It's not the horrible thing you're probably imagining!

Basically, chakra runs through a second set of 'veins' in our body. So just as blood runs through our bodies, chakra does the same.

But you can't _feel _blood running through your body!

_Exactly._

No, no, I didn't lie. I _can _feel my chakra. You know how sometimes your heart beats and you can feel your vein 'beat' as well?

…Yeah. My chakra usually flows as per normal, but if I concentrate (and by concentrate I mean cover my ears and close my eyes and squat down in a ball) I can hear it.

…Yes. My mom blindfolded me, put ear plugs in and made me squat until I felt my chakra.

_(Again: Crazy!)_

How did I know it was chakra and not blood?

Because I heard my blood too. And believe me, when you're used to one set of 'lub dub dub' and hear _two _sets instead, it's weird. Except of course, when you're in the body of a baby and to memory, this is the first time you've heard your chakra so of course it's perfectly normal.

Uhuh, yeah I know. I have a 'memory' of my past life.

Funny thing really, muscle memory is a lot more than what we thought. The 'memories' I had were completely separate from the body I had now. Anything I didn't experience in this body did not affect it. So if hearing two sets of heart beats was the first I ever heard, then two sets was normal.

Ahahaha. You didn't realize that when my body couldn't remember how to stand? Or even the motions of it?

Oh. You thought that I _intentionally _started clutching at stuff so that I could stand up? If by 'intentionally', you mean 'I wanted to reach the sofa and needed up', then yes. If by 'intentionally', you mean 'I decided to utilize my past experience in order to assist in my physical development as a baby and thus knew that I needed to grab onto something to pull myself up', then AHAHAHAHAHA no.

Yeah. There you go.

Chakra.

So? So what?

You didn't think that I knew how to _use _the stuff, did you?

Oh boy, you really are dumb, huh?

Yes, my mother hauled me outdoors to listen to my chakra. No, she wasn't insane enough to make me mold chakra when my pathways were still developing. She just made me squat down to feel it until I fell asleep.

Why outdoors?

I don't know, ask my mom that! Maybe she just wanted me to get some fresh air? Geez, it's like you expect me to have all the answers when I already told you that my whole experience as a baby was _exactly _like a baby. Toddler now.

But yeah. Stop asking me stupid questions, okay? I'm just telling you what I know!

xXXx

So during this 'learning period' of a toddler, I managed to walk, sense my double heartbeats, and send my parents into hysterics whenever I crawled into boxes.

Why did I crawl into boxes?

I don't know. Why were there so many boxes for me to crawl into?

Yeah, my parents weren't very good at baby-proofing the house. I think they were relying on their ninja-sneakiness to keep track of me.

…Not a very effective method.

And sometimes my mother would put me in her lap (with blindfold and earplugs) and mold chakra.

No no no, _I _didn't mold chakra. My _mother _did.

Interesting thing about children: We're all extra sensitive. This translates to chakra as well.

So when my mom started shaping her chakra, _I could feel it. _

First thing first, did you know you could move your chakra into weird shapes?

I'm sure you did. So you know all those peek-a-boo and shape recognition games the adults would play with babies?

We have the _chakra _version.

With my senses (except for touch) muffled, I had to rely on chakra-sense to 'feel' my mother's chakra. At first, it was just like when I was newborn, where everything was blurry and blobby. And then, it progressed to the point I could see the funny shapes she was molding her chakra into.

Rabbit, Cat, Sheep, Bear, Spiral and etc etc.

It was fun and interesting.

So the next step was obviously, for me to emulate her.

…That took a lot longer.

Like, a little over half a year longer.

Yes yes yes, I _know _I'm behind times okay? You don't have to tell me that I should be ahead instead with my 'experience'!

But that was the moment I stepped onto the path of chakra. At age two. Making funny faces out of my chakra.

Not very well. I could only shift it a little, and the default shape was a sphere. So more like making dents in a blob. Sort of like playing with ninja play-doh.

(By the way, if you want to ask what my hair whorl is like, it's clockwise)

It was surprisingly not taxing on my body. Moving my chakra around didn't deplete it, so I could poke and prod at it all day and not feel too drained.

Of course, staying still in one position made my body protest. But my brain was satisfied with the new game.

xXXx

So I bet you're wondering: You can't remember anything as a baby, you can't remember anything as a toddler, so what use are you?!

I DON'T KNOW GODDAMNIT.

You think I asked to be put in the body of a baby belonging to a family that's famed for not only its _insanity, _but its betrayal? Oh, and gets wiped out by its resident genius.

That sounds like a death wish, don't you think?

Oh, you want to know how I came to this world?

I died. Duh.

Ohh, you want to know _how _I died?

Car crash.

Now you want to know what kind of person I was before?

Human. Duh. And female. _Duh. _

How old was I? Twenty turning twenty-one.

What, you want to know if I died on my birthday because it could be of some significance?

Er, _no. _

What do you _want _from me? My whole life's story?!

What, really? What does it even have to do with my new life? Besides, don't you know anything about privacy?!

So I should just spill everything to you? _Fat chance. _

I was a normal human being with a normal name with a normal family and a normal education who had an interest in Naruto manga. _There. _And my hobbies were reading manga and playing online games. My dreams for the future were—_oh what the hell I'm not doing a genin-intro. _

_No _I wasn't an _otaku _thank you very much! I don't even wear geeky glasses!

Don't stereotype? I'll do what I want, _when _I want_, and you can't stop me!_

Uchiha pride? What does _that _have anything to do with me?

Shut up! Do you want to hear the rest or not?!

_Ahem. _So.

Basically, I don't know why I'm here, I don't know why I remember, I don't know if there even is a reason for me to be here. I just know that I am a baby, chakra funny-face is fun but hard, my mother is not food, and I am developing slower than most babies.

_And it's not my fault. _

_Shut up!_

* * *

**Question to all my readers: What time period should I put Midori in? Obviously before the massacre, but around whose age?**

**Memory25**


	4. Chapter 4

**A slightly more comprehensive chapter, this time round. A little more explaining of the Uchiha clan structure, and some showing off. Because I'm an _Uchiha, _plebeians.**

* * *

Today marks the day I turn three years old. I can now walk, talk, and use the toilet by myself without falling in one out of three times.

And I _rock _at chakra funny-face. I can make a pig.

Also, I will actually be experiencing my first party. Not _my _birthday party, but the head of house's something something party.

…What? Do you think my mom tells me all the details?

No birthday parties? Yeah, we're not big on celebrating those over here. Mostly we just get an extra yummy meal or something small. It's not like a coming-of-age ceremony after all.

Huh? I should be more disappointed?

…Now why would I be? It's normal.

What's with that face? Come back here and say it to me straight!

Oh _whatever. _

(Coward)

_Anyway, _as I was saying, I'm turning three and am considered old enough to be presented to the head of house. Previously, I was too small and disaster-prone, so they'd kept me hidden away at home. Away from polite company.

So yeah, I'm wearing this nice traditional Japanese yukata. It's comfortable enough, I suppose.

It's navy blue. I like blue. And there's the Uchiha Uchiwa crest on the back. I look so cool!

Blue is a boy's colour? Er…_no. _It's an _Uchiha _colour.

See what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of yourself.

That's not the proper saying? What? You make an ass out of you and me?

No. It's just you.

So I'll be going to the party now. In my navy blue yukata. And yes, it's summer, so I'm not out of season or wearing too little.

Break a leg? Are you challenging an Uchiha? You wanna take a piece of me? Huh? Huh?

Uchiha pride? Well, _duh, _I'm an Uchiha, it's natural to be proud of our prestigious heritage.

Brainwashing? What are you going on about?

…Whatever. I'm going now.

xXXx

…So I just met Itachi.

He's seven-years old now to my three. So he's not only a genius, but four years ahead of me.

…Yeah, I didn't have any hope anyway.

Funny thing about it is that I was the only other kid at the party. Shisui? He's actually much older than Itachi. He's…fourteen? I think.

Did I talk to Itachi?

…No. Fugaku-sama kept glaring at me, so I stayed away from the first branch in general. Mom kept me close to her, like she was expecting an ambush or something.

…Maybe she was.

Sasuke was nowhere to be seen, so I'm guessing he isn't of 'presentable' age yet. He's only two anyway, and if he's a normal baby, that means drooling and crying and regular, petty, baby behavior. If they're lucky, he won't know how to throw things yet.

Anyway, they had this jutsu presentation thingy which was basically a stage for Itachi to show off his geniusness. He already knows Goukakyu and can do Ryuuka and Hosenka. He's also in the middle of Karyuu Endan, which is _shit _scary. And a B-rank jutsu.

_Dayum _he's good.

All the better to kill us off with. Ugh.

I'm being really calm? Really?

Ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe… 

Shut up. Don't remind me.

xXXx

Mom's started me practicing on handseals. (I think the jutsu presentation hit a nerve) Obviously, the ones I'm learning are for the Goukakyu. Why the Goukakyu? Because it's the traditional coming-of-age jutsu, _duh! _

I'm too young to come of age? What do you mean? Age doesn't really matter, power does. Besides, it's _tradition. _

How am I doing?

…Well. So-so.

I mean, I can mold my chakra just fine. (There's no pig seal though, Boar is not pig) I can even sort-of push it out now. It's just that…

I don't have enough chakra.

I'm three years old, you really think that I'd have massive chakra reserves?

Goukakyu is a C-rank jutsu!

Huh? Do you even understand the difficulty of C-rank? I think you're underestimating out ranking system. There's a reason why C-rank missions are usually for experienced genin and chunin, you know?

…Team 7 is not a good example of what is 'normal'.

Also: Sasuke learnt Goukakyu at eight. In a week, yeah, but still. Eight years old.

I'm _three. _

I'm also like, way, _way _ahead of schedule. All because molding chakra is something we _should _start learning at four, but I started at like, two.

Because, as I've said: Uchiha are crazy.

Correction: my _mom _is crazy. Technically, I shouldn't have learnt chakra molding until three, because that's actually borderline not advisable due to my system having just stabilized. Or could maybe still be in transition.

…Yeah, I just realized I could have died from chakra funny-face. Way to go, mom. A+ parenting…

Anyway, I'm doing okay on the jutsu, not getting any further than a little bit of fire-element chakra. I managed to puff smoke just a while ago. It looked like I was having a cig. Hehe.

It was exhausting though. My chakra was immediately cut in half after that.

Gosh I'm so tired right now …

Children are supposed to be more energetic?

…I just spent half of my chakra practicing a jutsu and the rest on a chakra control exercise. You really think I can be 'energetic' right now?

Well screw you.

By the way, since reaching three years of age, I've been able to keep thoughts in my head for a lot longer than previously. Which means that I've had some time to think about what my memories were telling me.

I haven't passed out yet, but mom keeps telling me that I look a little too listless.

What was I thinking about?

The Uchiha massacre, of course.

Itachi kills the clan at age thirteen, which is six years away. Sasuke's going to be eight (a few days after he learns Goukakyu, guess I should watch out for that sign) and he'll be totally mind fucked. I'm one year older, so I'll be nine.

That's two years before I graduate the Academy.

Hm? Sasuke graduated at 12?

Ah yeah, you forget this too: Naruto retook the exam three times.

So does that mean Sasuke failed three times too?

Actually…no.

…Actually, I'm not sure what's up with that either. I think he took the previous exams early? But it still begs the question of how he got approval for that…weird.

But anyway, I'm going to graduate at 11, because that's the average age for Uchiha graduates.

Hyuuga too, now that I think about it. Hinata's kind of an…anomaly.

Actually, most clan children graduate early, be it a few months or a year. But sometimes the Hokage wants certain teams formed, and then he tells their parents not to let them take the exam too early and stuff…

Yeah, things here are pretty shady.

(I overheard my mom ranting about that, 'coz she had to go through the same thing in her generation, which saw an influx of Uchiha children)

Sasuke graduating late could be because of that or because he didn't get enough clan training to give him a heads up.

That's kind of…sad.

Anyway, I think that he's probably going to enter the Academy at 6 (same as me) and it'll take care of the general education requirement for genin.

General education requirement? What? You've never heard of it?

Er…you didn't think that being a genin is that easy, did you? You need at least basic math, history, literature, etc etc. Most of it is insurance when you fail, so that you at least get a decent enough education out of it that you don't have to play catch up as a civilian.

Retake? Well of course you can retake, but you only redo the last year of the Academy when you do that, and that's mostly the ninja portion of the education. Fun fact: the Academy actually churns out plenty of failed genin who go on to work as liaisons for shinobi or in the other not-quite civilian, not-quite shinobi sectors of the workforce. It's kind of why nobody blinks an eye whenever they see someone racing across the roofs.

Our version of civilians isn't really like say…the Capital's version.

Civilian Academy?

Now why would you even think that such a thing exists? This is a Hidden Village of Shinobi, and every person here has at least knowledge of how to mold chakra.

If they don't want to be shinobi? Then they just flunk out in the last year, _duh. _Why would we go the lengths of separate educational routes when we want as many shinobi as possible?

The Academy is too small?

Have you _seen _it? It's HUGE.

You didn't see that many students?

…I'm not even going to answer that. _Idiot. _

Me? I'm going to miss out on clan training too?

Well why do you think I'm starting so early? I'm a year ahead in chakra molding, and _five years _ahead of learning Goukakyu. I mean, right now it's mostly doing the handsigns and making sure my chakra follows the correct shapes, but yeah.

Why am I so quick?

I'm a genius, _duh. _

Joking.

The real reasons are not as fun.

My mother is actually the head of the fourth branch. That being the branch that specializes in chakra control.

Some people say that that's why a woman is the head, but I say that they're just jealous. Besides, we of the fourth branch are _awesome. _That's why most of us learn Goukakyu faster than the rest.

…Well, not at _three, _but mostly around five years old. The drawback is that yeah, we have the same problem as Sakura.

Tiny chakra capacity.

That's why, by five years old, we can do Goukakyu, but it's less Great Fireball Jutsu and more just Fireball Jutsu. Or sometimes…fire ping pong ball jutsu. Or one Hosenka fireball.

Whatever, as long as you manage to spit out flame, you pass. Technically. Everyone reserves the right to make fun of you if you do a poor showing though.

Yeah, yeah, Sasuke's from the clan leader's branch. That's actually the first branch, but it's not always that the first branch is clan leader.

…Okay, _most generations they are, _but _not always. _

First branch specializes in power. They're basically the chakra powerhouses of our clan. They've also got decent control and intelligence, making them the most well-balanced branch in the whole clan. And with the amazing progress Itachi's been making, leadership looks set to stay in that branch.

…Yes I know we're not going to live long enough for that to happen. _Shut up!_

That's mostly because they always make sure to marry carefully, of course. Mikoto-sama, Fugaku-sama's wife, is from the seventh branch, which just recently sprouted what looks to be a tentatively inheritable second affinity of lightning.

That's actually very useful. When a parent has a secondary affinity, the child usually has one, regardless of whether it's the same. Nine out of ten times it's the same, but sometimes it isn't. When a secondary affinity has been in the family for at least three generations, it's considered inheritable.

Not to say that _we _don't marry carefully, but we don't usually get first pick.

I know, I know, sounds like picking breeding stock, doesn't it? The truth is…

It is.

The Hyuuga do the same too. Don't look so surprised. It's how we make sure that the clan stays strong. Of course, we don't interbreed _that _heavily, and we always make sure to inject new blood into the clan. Quite a few of the recent generation are technically half-Uchiha and are being raised by the Uchiha parent. The secondary affinity from Mikoto-sama's branch was one of the contributions of such an arrangement.

You're asking me if I'm the same?

Ah, you noticed that I keep mentioning only my mother.

That's right. I'm a half. But my father comes over from time to time to look after me when mom is too busy with clan duties. He's an ANBU I think. He let me play with his mask before.

What's his name?

…I don't know. Nobody told me. I just know he's my father and call him 'tou-chan' whenever he's over. He has a boar mask, by the way.

I think he was from mom's genin team, though. They get along very well even though they're not married.

But here's another advantage I have: I have more chakra than regular fourth branches. That's, of course, thanks to my Dad. Mom has a decent pool for a jounin, but she specializes in genjutsu, which isn't as chakra consuming. Dad, on the other hand, seems to be a ninjutsu expert.

(Don't tell mom, but he taught me a Goukakyu shortcut)

The third advantage isn't great. It's actually pretty awful.

That's the attitude between parents.

Consider Sasuke and I.

My mother conceived me as a…well basically I'm not a child borne of love. I'm actually supposed to help keep the branch leadership in our family instead of passing it to my older cousins.

Sasuke, on the other hand, is actually a rare second son. Mikoto-sama and Fugaku-sama's marriage was an arranged one, but they're only required to have one heir. Creating sibling competition…isn't encouraged here. The ones who have more than one child are those who have absolutely no chance of inheriting any mantle of leadership. So Sasuke is a rare love-child.

Lucky him.

But anyway, that means that he doesn't have as much pressure as I do. _And, _as second son, he's technically not _allowed_ to surpass the first.

Unless of course, Fugaku-sama decides to change heirs…

But yeah, that's why I'm so much more ahead of him. It's pretty different being firstborn.

…I still have no chance against Itachi though.

* * *

**If there's any contradiction, I guess you'll have to pass it off as writer's creative influence. Hehehe. Someone said that chakra isn't 'natural' and that it's from the Shinju tree thing...but I never read further than Shippuuden, and that chapter is one of the number 600s so... Besides, I'll just make it such that our world has chakra for some other reason then. Hehehe.**

**Anyway, I've decided not to go too far back in the past, because I don't want to repeat the same device I've used previously, which is making changes pre-canon and taking waaay too much time filling in blanks. I'd just like to jump into the meat of things here. That's why I gave myself a little less time AND an indomitable deadline. ^^**

**Hope you guys like this chapter~**

**Memory25**


	5. Chapter 5

**Some expansion. Less me-centric and more about the crazy Uchiha family and some fun facts about the Shinobi Villages. And Itachi's less than pretty prettiness.**

* * *

I'm engaged to Uchiha Itachi.

It's a business deal, actually. I marry Itachi, Itachi becomes clan head, I become fourth branch head, and both first and fourth branches gain greater influence over the clan.

…

Yeah. I'm in deep shit.

When I said there were no other kids at the party…apparently there were no other kids _at all. _I'm not sure what that means for our clan's future, but hey, at least we won't have to worry about it in a couple of years, right?

Bah.

Stupid shit Uchiha family planning.

Now I can't even stay away from Itachi's weasel eyes. Hah! Weasel eyes, get it?

…I admit, my sense of humour since the Uchiha has severely deteriorated. Sigh. If there's one failing in our clan, it's that.

I mean, I don't even remember frowning so much before I came here. I'm only four and I have scowl lines. Itachi's eight and he already has those ugly stress lines on his face. Geh.

If there's one thing I have to say for meeting _the _Uchiha Itachi in real life, it's that he isn't as handsome as portrayed in the manga. Or even half as handsome as seen from afar.

He's got eyebags and stress lines and this really intense look in his eyes like he's trying to psychically squeeze the juice out of me. He also has that gaunt expression that comes about when you lose your baby fat too early. He's eight years old and he's skinny as a rake with nothing soft on him.

Yurgh.

Until he grows into his muscles, he'll keep looking like some too-square-jawed, gorged-on-steroids dwarf. He doesn't even _look _eight anymore. So much for doing child-baiting missions. Unless it was in the really poor parts of town, but even then, there's too much muscle on him to be anything but a child soldier.

And I'm engaged to this poor freak. Argh.

The saddest part of it is that it's a common appearance around the village. There aren't any shinobi as extreme as he is, but there are some who come close. Most children who show promise in the big clans get drafted really early, and there's actually a special accelerated class for them. It used to be that those kids would graduate at eight or nine, but now that we've had a few years to adjust to the ceasefire, we're not pushing our children as much.

So now they get out around ten or eleven. And look much healthier.

But Itachi caught the tail-end of the last arms race because of his geniusness and now he's the last of the generation who grew up too fast even for shinobi. And even with the bulk of the war over (we're still having a cold war with Kumo and Iwa) he still has to deal with the heaping expectations of his asshole of a dad.

Seriously, it's no wonder he became ANBU so young even though it's 'peacetime'. His dad keeps pushing him and pushing him and pushing him, I'm surprised he didn't have a psychotic break and murderized him.

Seriously: "As expected of my son." "As expected of my heir." "As expected of blahblahblah." "Such is the strength of my blood."

It's not even a compliment. It's self-aggrandizement. And dude! Mikoto-sama had a hand in it too! More, since she carried him and gave birth to him.

And gave him a second affinity too. Itachi's a fire-earth. It kind of makes sense, since he's a really down-to-earth guy who doesn't get a bloated head from…anything really. That's the only thing Fugaku-sama isn't as happy about, because earth isn't the flashiest or most offensive affinity.

Talking to him is a bit strange. It see-saws between talking with a peer, talking to someone a little (a lot) socially-retarded, and talking to a grandpa. He only ever speaks when he can't grunt a reply, and most of the time he brings Sasuke along for our play dates.

Yeah, we have play dates. At least they still have enough common sense not to marry two complete strangers together. Not that they had enough not to engage the aforementioned.

I'm a little shocked Mikoto-sama let him take her baby out, actually. But even the wife of the clan head has duties (which she will be teaching me pretty soon…ugh) and with Itachi around and still chuunin, babysitters are moot.

He also never lets me hold Sasuke. It's annoying, because three-year-old Sasuke is _adorable _but I can still press close and coo. Sasuke pretty much likes everyone and never cries, so he's the best toddler…ever.

He's also the laziest, because his big brother carries him everywhere.

Most of our play dates are focused around Sasuke actually. We're not allowed to leave clan grounds, and walking along the main street gets catcalls and 'awwing' and _Sasuke-stealing _(everyone wants to hold him), so we usually head to one of the private training fields. We spent the first few at his family's fields before I got pissed at doing all the walking and made him come over to the mine.

Of course, the first time all my cousins wanted to come and stare at him, which made me empty my shuriken pouch at them until they fled.

I think Itachi thinks that I'm a little unhinged.

Oh yeah, my cousins.

They're assholes.

All of them are way, _way _older than me, and also jealous because I'm progressing so quickly. One or two of them had been in line for branch head before I was born, but mostly they just didn't like how I was becoming their branch's Itachi. Most of them are slightly older than Shisui, which means eighteen to nineteen, but truthfully, they're not much more mature. And a lot more malicious.

A lot of them kind of hate that I'll be stronger than them before I reach adolescence.

Unfortunately for them, or fortunately for me, they mostly stuck to snide remarks and glaring. As a kid, I have a lot of freedom in terms of etiquette. Which means when they try to poke fun at me, I can upend the lunch table on them. It just takes some carefully applied chakra enhancement.

I'm also allowed to chuck weapons at them, because they can't call themselves ninja if they can't avoid a four-year-old kid's throwing. Too bad for them that I add chakra to _everything _I do.

I love my chakra pool.

Of course, I still conk out when I overreach myself, but so far so good—I haven't fainted in front of Itachi yet. I've ended up white and gasping, but nothing a sit-down for a while couldn't cure.

The tenacity of children is something to admire.

Mom's also started me on the famed Uchiha wire techniques, which are _awesome _and _so much fun. _Sure, Itachi had to untangle me from one or two webs, but it was. Worth. It.

If you hadn't figured out, I'm born in the year of the Monkey. Sasuke, hilariously, was born in the year of the Rooster.

Explains the hair, don't it?

And Itachi is born in badum badum badum…yep. The year of the Dragon.

Poor kid.

To make things even worse…it was a fire dragon.

Ahahahaha, yeah. Even the ones who didn't really subscribe to the superstition couldn't help but admire the timing.

Fun fact though: Even though this is Fire Country, the dragon we like the best is the earth dragon. Because we're in a forest and the connection is obvious. Same with Kiri and the fire dragon, or Suna and the water dragon. With a less obvious connection, Kumo likes the metal dragon while Iwa likes the wood one.

Why does Iwa like the wood one?

Hilariously enough, it's the mountain range they built on. Kumo's mountain is actually a lot more structurally sound than Iwa's, and of course, they have the best technology. So Iwa used to suffer from rock avalanches until the Shodaime and Nidaime Tsuchikages managed to develop a jutsu that put a stop to that.

With such poor location planning, it isn't surprising that Iwa's the most desperate and cutthroat of all the Great Shinobi Countries.

Well…not that they had much choice of hidden locations.

Funny enough, Konoha's the only village that isn't really that hidden. Sure, we're in a forest, but we've got a _road _to our front door for goodness' sake.

Anyway, back to Itachi. The poor kid always looks kind of suffering whenever he comes over. Actually, he looks suffering no matter what he does. He trains every day and when he's not on missions, he's doing something or other for his dad, or going on play dates with me.

The most insulting part is that he prefers to train than talk to me.

Oh, he's polite enough, but we both know that the whole thing is ridiculous. I'm only a year older than his younger brother, and barely reach his shoulders. He has to call me 'Midori-hime' and I have to call him 'Itachi-kun'.

I think I got the better end of the deal.

But it's still _weird _having him calling me _hime _of all things in order to show everyone our engagement and affection. I don't know if it was the elders or Mikoto-sama or even my own mother.

_Ugh. _

xXXx

Shisui gatecrashed our 'outing'. It's our first play date outside of the Uchiha district and we were supposed to have a chaperone but I threw a fit when they picked my sleaziest cousin. The idiot would spend more time hitting (ineffectually) on girls and trying to play up the 'Uchiha Mystery' charm than watching us. When they tried to switch to Itachi's bitchiest and most power-hungry cousin…

I found out I could do Goukakyu after all.

Sure, not very effectively, but enough to set her sleeve on fire.

Oh, by the way, I'm an 'adult' now.

So no chaperone.

But there's Shisui.

Uchiha Shisui, to put it in a word, is _annoying. _He talks non-stop, calls Itachi and I 'lovebirds', made fun of our _forced _nicknames for each other until Itachi refused to talk, and kept trying to make us kiss.

He is, in another word, _immature. _

It was the first time Itachi and I actually saw eye-to-eye. I couldn't pull a prank or get violent in public, which was awful, but at least I had someone to suffer with me.

We traded matching looks of exasperation throughout the whole trip and Itachi didn't even protest this time when I tripped Shisui with ninja wire on returning home. He actually helped me get him into position.

When I ranted to Mom over dinner, she actually sniggered—_sniggered—_at my plight.

God, everyone is against me here.

'Cept Itachi, he's okay.

And Sasuke, he's adorable.

* * *

**I'm going to stop first person next chapter. Can't get proper perspective otherwise. ^^ It'll be less cracky and fun, but it'll allow you guys to see other parts 'I' can't.**

**Yes, yes, I am now effectively chained to the side of the person I wanted to avoid the most. Wow, fate, you so good to me! Hahahaha! And he isn't even pretty!**

**Memory25**


	6. Chapter 6

**Er...I tried my best to make this as coherent as possible. Not so sure if I succeeded. This is an explanation to a question by a reviewer on why the Uchiha clan only has 3 children. Lol. I didn't really notice the problem until then but ding! Idea! Hahaha.**

**Starts of with my POV but changes later. :3**

* * *

There are a lot of things to learn from the Uchiha clan. Seriously, there are so many interesting things here. Being the acknowledged 'genius' helps in opening doors and I can learn all sorts of things.

Like history, and Uchiha culture, and calligraphy and making dango (omnomnom) and onigiri and somen…

Ehehehe. I'm kinda hungry right now.

But yeah, I'm learning a lot of things around here. Everyone I ask teaches me whatever I want because I'm Uchiha and I'm Uchiha _Midori. _Hah!

I don't have that much free time to study now though. The play dates are eating up at least an hour a day and as for training…

My mother isn't crazy.

She's batshit insane.

And demented and evil and all the other things parents aren't supposed to be.

You don't suppose she's the reason behind the 'Uchiha are evil' reputation, do you? I mean, she's definitely awful enough to perpetuate the rumour by the sheer force of her lone evilness. She is evil on an apocalyptic scale.

Well. Maybe not. Kyuubi probably wins in that area.

But still.

You remember when I said Fugaku-sama would push and push and push Itachi? Well that's what mom is doing to _me. _

Apparently, since I can take all the training she's been throwing at me, she'll keep throwing at me until I go nuts and murderize her, or blow myself up in desperation.

Seriously, it's like she doesn't even know the word _moderation. _

Since managing that Goukakyu at Itachi's bitchy cousin, she's been heaping C-rank after C-rank at me. She didn't even bother with the E or D-ranks, and now I'm training on Housenka, Ryuuka, and _Endan_ (not to be confused with Karyu Endan), because Itachi doesn't know that and I _have _to one-up him. Guh.

I don't even know henge or kawarimi or bunshin. What is the world coming to? And why can't she start me on genjutsu if that's her specialty?

I'm kinda thankful that Dad gave me such a big chakra pool now. _And _increased fortitude. Because training all those jutsu…really wears me out.

And by 'wear me out' I mean, leave me passed out on the grass where my heartless mother leaves me to wake up alone or get woken up by frigging _Shisui. _

Freaking _Shisui. _

I think if there's one Uchiha I really, really hate, it's Shisui. He is so _damned _annoying and he keeps pestering me and asking me questions and trying to spy on my training. I don't know who put him up to it, but as long as I'm not the clan heir, my training is none of anyone but my direct family's business. If I find out who's been asking questions…

My Goukakyu is as big as a basketball now. I think a headshot would look pretty nice, don't you think?

Bloodthirst? Ehehehehe, nope. Silly Billy, of course burns don't cause bleeding! The wound is cauterized on impact!

Die? Hah! As if any shinobi would die from a fireball to the head. Goukakyu can't make flames that hot. At best, they'd get second-degree burns. Besides, if the person's got Sharingan, I'm pretty sure they'd react fast enough.

And now you've taken all the fun out of it. Hmph. Maybe a Hosenka will be fast enough so they can't dodge.

I'm gonna go train on my wire technique now—now _that's _fun training! Itachi's coming over again later and I wanna see if I remember the Ninja databook correctly and it's true that he likes to eat rabbit food instead of a proper manly meal.

xXXx

The Uchiha clan had suffered massive losses in the Third Shinobi World War, having been a favourite to send to the frontlines so as to steal as many of the enemy's jutsu as possible. It was their contribution that gave Konoha a great advantage over the other Shinobi Villages. In return, they were targeted by both people seeking revenge and coveting their abilities.

To make matters worse, they were further hit by the kyuubi's attack before they could recover.

In the aftermath_, _the village had been low on manpower, and thus every able-bodied shinobi was kept busy running missions and helping in the rebuilding. It was only in the last year that things had finally settled down enough for other plans.

Plans like replenishing the clan's numbers.

One of the greatest losses of the Uchiha clan to the kyuubi attack was the entirety of their next generation with the exception of Itachi, Midori and Sasuke. Being a shinobi lineage, the Uchiha boasted enhanced sight, hearing and reflex, as well as a keen chakra sense.

It was the last that proved to be their undoing.

All the pregnant Uchiha women miscarried, some of them dying from the sudden shock. Children below the age of eight activated their Sharingan and died, unable to cope with the stress it placed on their minds. Many of the below-tens suffered the same fate, the luckier ones having it forcibly sealed away by the elders or their own subconscious minds.

Many of the rest of the shinobi clans lost children too, particularly newborns or unborn fetuses. Only kunoichi with strong chakra managed to keep their babies and out of the newborns, only a few managed to survive. The Aburame had been particularly worried when their heir collapsed from the shock to his newly received hive.

However, the losses of the other clans could not be compared to the Uchiha.

Out of all the children, Itachi was the only one who should have survived. Sasuke, on a stroke of luck, had a protective seal on his cot that cancelled out the kyuubi's influence. It was safe to say that he was the only Uchiha who had not been affected by the biju's malicious chakra.

Midori, on the other hand, was the child who should have died like the rest of the children.

She'd been left alone in her cot, having fallen asleep abruptly as she was prone to do. When the rest of the children began screaming, sparking a similar reaction in their mothers who found them, Uchiha Miyuki had kicked down her daughter's bedroom door only to find her sound asleep.

It was inconceivable.

It was inconceivable because one year old Uchiha Midori should _definitely _have awakened her sharingan and, at her young age, been unable to bear the strain.

What a lot of people got wrong was that the Sharingan was _not _the hit-and-miss gene that the Hyuuga claimed it to be. For the Hyuuga, whose kekkai genkai was immediately apparent and safe to use at birth, the intricacies of the Sharingan were completely lost on them. Despite being both doujutsu, the Sharingan was _very _different from the Byakugan.

In comparison to the Sharingan, the Byakugan was truer to the pure interpretation of 'doujutsu'. All of its abilities dealt with sight: 360o vision, telescopic vision, increased range of sight, seeing through objects, seeing chakra in general, seeing the opponent's chakra flow and network.

The Sharingan, on the other hand, provided abilities that were related to sight, but were a step up from merely improving it.

The first part, the 'Eye of Insight', allowed the user to see their opponent's chakra flow and body language and _read _them. This could be as simple as reading lips or making an educated guess of the opponent's next attack to allowing the user to memorize and recreate the other's jutsu.

The second part, the 'Eye of Hypnotism', allowed the user to implant suggestions of actions and thoughts into an opponent's mind. This was the ability that perpetuated the rumour of the Uchiha being able to see the future.

Unfortunately, in order to use these abilities, one had to be able to withstand the sudden influx of information that the Sharingan provided. Much like Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, the Sharingan gathered an enormous amount of information which was then transmitted to the brain extremely quickly. However, unlike the aforementioned jutsu, the information is gathered and received at a constant rate until it is deactivated.

If the user's mind was not matured enough, or trained to withstand the shock, they would collapse under the barrage.

This would have been easily solved if the Sharingan were to be deactivated. However, with the user catatonic, there was nothing that could be done. While the Sharingan would be naturally triggered by being placed under high stress, it had to be consciously deactivated unless the situation was resolved. The children, sensing the threat of the kyuubi, had become trapped in a feedback loop of fear and Sharingan overload.

It was the first time the Uchiha realized the drawbacks of their doujutsu. Never before had the Sharingan been activated before the user was ready.

Their famed kekkai genkai, which gave them an incredible advantage over their enemies, had become their downfall.

This was why Midori was called a 'Miracle Child' despite also being a 'defect'. The only answer to her survival must be that she had not inherited the Sharingan, but how could that be so?

And now she was the only female child in the clan, until it had recovered from both the Third Shinobi War and the kyuubi attack enough to reproduce again.

And what a strange child she was.

Normally, an Uchiha child was reserved and well-mannered, having the upbringing befitting an elite of Konoha. On occasion, children like Uchiha Obito and Shisui were produced, who were rambunctious and loud and more akin to Senju children than Uchiha.

(It was those that reminded the elders of their line's roots)

Unfortunately, they had never conceived of a child who was well-mannered at times, and violently opposed the next. They were unsure if _this, _perhaps, was the influence of the kyuubi, this bipolar personality, but the medic-nin had assured them that it was not so.

The strangest part was how the girl seemed to _understand _the things happening around her. At the age of two, Miyuki had reported her daughter's astounding feat of control in molding her chakra after having sensed her mother's.

It was preposterous. It was ridiculous.

Children at two did not have the mental acuity to mold chakra consciously. Children at two should not even have the ability to differentiate between their chakra and the rest of their body.

The custom of taking away a toddler's senses in order to cultivate their chakra sense had been in the clan for generations, but this was the first time one had begun the next stage of their development within a year of the practice!

It was _beyond _prodigious. It smacked of the supernatural.

But still, Uchiha Fugaku went ahead with the engagement of the girl to his eldest. Midori may not have the Sharingan, but there was no doubt that she had a strong inheritance. Furthermore, until new babies were born, she remained the only female Uchiha who was younger than Itachi. It was always preferred that wives were younger, for it allowed more years for children.

Besides, Fugaku was concerned for his son. The Uchiha had produced its fair share of genii in its illustrious history and, while not expert in bringing them up, was definitely familiar with how delicate one could be. Itachi had been put under intense pressure since birth due to circumstances out of his control and he had risen to the occasion admirably. Unfortunately, this seemed to give the elders the impression that he could take on more of the responsibilities as both heir and prized prodigy.

So far, Itachi was still holding up, but even Fugaku knew that it was a heavy burden to place on such young shoulders. He hoped that, with the engagement, the elders would be appeased for some time until he was older.

In addition, Midori was another genius. One that was rapidly catching up with Itachi. One that, on the other hand, had 'proven' to the elders that she could not, no, _would not _be pressured into anything she was opposed to. Any attempt to involve her in clan politics deeper than 'introducing' her to cousins, would result in weapons and jutsus flying and a screaming protest.

(Privately, Fugaku had to admit that he wished he could do the same, but alas, it was not meant to be.)

Frankly, the elders were at a loss as to how to deal with this strange new version of a genius. They could not cajole her, they could not bribe her, and they could not order her. She trained diligently under her mother with an intensity that was to be admired and eagerly studied whatever subjects that had captured her interest…but could not be made to sit still at formal dinners or attend parties or 'train together' with her cousins.

The one time they had threatened to withhold lessons from her was the last time they tried.

She had thrown kunai at them, then shuriken, then whatever else was available on the ground. (Fugaku was rethinking the merits of teaching children weapon-throwing so early) And then the next day, her bed was found empty.

A frantic search organized by the elders found her in one of the training fields at the opposite end of the village, practicing her wire techniques. Went brought back, she had borne the lecture with a silent but simmering fire to the end but then announced that if they were going to waste her time keeping her 'on her knees, sipping tea and making nice with a mob of soul-sucking leeches', she would rather stop her lessons altogether. And then she let loose a blistering string of curses.

The unintentional (or perhaps intentional) innuendo had most of the elders choking on the aforementioned tea, while the rest of the rather colourful description of what she would do to said 'soul-sucking leeches' had everybody else turning green. The girl had a rather…creative mind.

Her vehemence astounded the council and when asked, the short answer she gave was proof that she was still a child.

"I. Don't. _Want. _To."

One of the elders protested that she should 'play' with her cousins more. He was also the one who proposed engaging her to his sixteen-year-old grandson.

Sometimes Fugaku despaired of his clan.

Midori had rolled her eyes and continued, "This is stupid. Why can't you just let me learn what I want and stop getting in my way? I'm doing what you want by training, aren't I?"

It was indeed the main thing the council wanted from the girl, and so they 'deliberated' amongst themselves and came to the 'agreement' that it was best to leave her to her learning until she was older and 'matured enough' to take on other 'responsibilities'.

Fugaku scoffed.

Actually, _Mikoto, _who was usually silent during such discussions as the gentle and demure Clan Head's wife, had had to muffle a snort.

The council was comprised of distinguished individuals, all jounin and thus intelligent and informed people. Unfortunately, it seemed that when brought together, they turned into a group of…not so intelligent people.

It was indeed true that a 'person' was smart, but 'people' were…otherwise.

So it was thus that Midori showed herself to be a person 'incapable of appreciating the benefits of subtlety' (she cuts through our bullshit) and 'having a fragile and unstable psyche' (will react with violence and swearing when pressed) and as such, was 'not to be pressured until such a time as she is able to withstand such stress' (we will try again in a few years' time).

Until Fugaku swooped in and seized the opportunity to steal her from under their noses of course.

Getting Miyuki to agree to the engagement was easy enough. Itachi was Clan Heir, Midori was Fourth Branch Heir. It was the best offer she could get.

Of course, having her mother's tacit approval made the agreement officially accepted. Which was technically all that was required for the engagement to go through. But Miyuki was still a mother, and she had agreed on condition that her daughter didn't violently oppose it.

'Violently oppose' was better than 'oppose', he figured. And so he enacted his cunning plan to do away with the 'violent'.

First of all, he had Miyuki inform the girl of the engagement (No way was he putting himself in the line of fire), making sure to stress the point that there he was the only boy close to her age. However, he asked her to leave out the condition and observe from the sidelines. Thankfully, Midori hadn't blown her top there and then (he had observed that she could be reasoned with) and she had grudgingly agreed to get better acquainted with Itachi.

The second phase was to get her to interact with Sasuke.

It was useful having the only children around her age in their family. True to his expectations, she adored the younger boy. (Who didn't adore Sasuke?) Sending Itachi out with Sasuke was actually a good way to get both of them to cooperate with the 'play dates'.

And finally, getting them to train together, which was the unofficial sign of a confirmed engagement.

It was easy to get her to agree to train with Itachi. He was around her age and the famed prodigy of the clan. She was downright _eager _to train with him.

(Itachi not so. When he returned on the first day, he complained that she had nearly burnt the ends of his hair. Frankly, Fugaku was wondering when his son would adopt a less girly hairstyle.)

Thus, his plan complete, Fugaku was able to sit back and admire the stunned looks on the council's face when Miyuki and his wife started planning family outings.

Victory was indeed sweet.

* * *

**And that's the evil plan behind the engagement. Huehuehue. *Rubs hands* Damn, Fugaku, you're so sly.**

**If it hasn't been mentioned yet, this story is built on crack...somewhat. So there will be parts of crack but that's where the fun is, no? Hahaha. **

**Memory25**

**PS**

**I suspect there are confusing elements or maybe even downright contradictory ones. (I typed this half asleep) So if you would point them out, it'd be helpful!**

**PPS**

**Okay, so Hinata was born after the kyuubi attack. Q.Q So I had to change her to Shino. But in my brain it's still part of the reason why she's so timid.**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, I have the next chapter up already. Wow. Haha. So...how goes the cracky Uchiha clan? Well...it's obviously in the blood. Poor Midori, saddled with such a clan. Sigh.**

**Or was it the other way around?**

**Hehehe.**

* * *

Once Midori and Itachi's engagement was finally confirmed (to the bitterness of many elders) it was as if the dam had broken, flooding the district with gossip.

Yes, Uchiha gossip too.

It's information. It's the blood of Shinobi warfare.

Even if it has to be repeated.

And repeated.

And repeated.

Because Yoriko-obaa-san who sold Miyuki-san and Mikoto-sama the box of specialty dango had asked how they came to be shopping together (after all, the two women were hardly close) and received the news from the new mothers-in-law themselves. The clan had been wondering about the walks and meetings of the two older children for a while, but since Sasuke-kun tagged along most of the time, they couldn't confirm it.

After all, as shinobi, news had to be verified.

So Yoriko-obaa-san was overjoyed to pass the good news along to her daughter Kanoko who told her husband Tomo who blurted it out to his friend Hiroshi over a drink who shared it with his girlfriend Yoshie who twittered to her sister Mina who was sorely disappointed and complained bitterly to her peers who commiserated with her at the loss and returned to their parents with complaints who went to their branch heads who turned to the elders for answers.

Who took one look at their clan head and scowled.

And so, (re)confirmation given, the news spread like wildfire to the rest of Konoha through Uchiha teammates.

And now wherever they went, the 'adorable couple' was bombarded with well-wishes and free gifts.

Itachi sighed, "Midori, you've already gotten dango from the previous two stores."

His fiancée shrugged, "Dango is dango is dango."

"What does that even mean?" He gave her an exasperated look as she bit into her (seventh? eighth?) stick of the sweet treat.

"It's _dango," _she insisted, finishing the one in her hand and reaching into the box for another.

He slapped her hand away, "That's enough. It's unhealthy to eat so much sugar."

"Sugar is carbohydrate which is energy which I use," she retorted, snatching at the box. He blocked her again. She scowled, "Give it!"

"No," he frowned, sealing the box away into his storage scroll. He'd always carried a scroll around, but it was only after meeting Midori that he'd used it to store _sweets _of all things. Surprisingly, he'd forgotten about it once and had had some daifuku during a rather miserable mission in Rain.

"But Itachi-kun…" she whined, making sad doe eyes in his face. He resisted the urge to roll _his _eyes—Sasuke had picked it up from her and his were much, much better.

Not that doe eyes worked on him, of course.

When he remained unmoved, she huffed and sighed. They were walking around the shopping district, in particular the food district, because she knew they would get free samples. Somehow, they'd become a weekly sight, with all the shop owners (especially the dango shop owners) recognizing them and calling them by name.

"Oh hello, dears!" Akimichi Yuuka-san greeted. She'd married into the Akimichi clan and was praised for her skill in making onigiri, "What would you like this time?"

Before this, Midori had tried all the conventional flavours. So now, she asked for new ones. Unfortunately, they had never tried Itachi's favourite seaweed onigiri…which was basically normal onigiri…just with the seaweed inside.

It tasted good! Biting into the warm, sticky rice to the crunchy seaweed within…

"Can you make an onigiri with the seaweed inside?"

He paused. Nobody but okaa-san knew he liked that. Not even Sasuke. Had she really run out of weird flavours to try?

"Oh, how unusual!" Yuuka-san chuckled, scooping rice with her left hand deftly. She passed seaweed samples to Midori, "Now, which seaweed would you like?"

Midori chewed each one carefully before replying, "Wrap this iwanori and that hijiki in this nori, but don't squeeze too much. The onigiri has to have a proper hollow in the center instead of just squashing it together so use less rice."

Itachi was surprised. He had only ever used nori in his riceballs, and admittedly he usually squashed them together. The flavours Midori picked always tasted good so he made a note to try that the next time he made them.

"My, that's a lot of thought," Yuuka-san laughed, tipping her palm slightly and reshaping the onigiri half in her hand. She was used to Midori's bluntness by now, finding it charming instead of offensive. It was true of a lot of other people.

Itachi wondered if his fiancée was right and the proper etiquette drilled into him by his father was unnecessary after all.

…No. It was just Midori being her usual fungal-like self and growing on everyone.

The boy nodded, finding the comparison Midori had made of Sasuke more fitting of the originator.

Not that she was growing on him, of course.

"Here," he blinked at the item thrust under his nose, going slightly cross-eyed in the attempt. The perpetrator snorted and waggled it impatiently.

The smell informed him that it was the rice ball Yuuka-san had been making.

"You're drooling," his fiancée deadpanned, prompting him to hurriedly swipe at his mouth. When his hand came back clean he glared.

She grinned and tilted her chin at her offering, "My hand's getting tired."

Grudgingly, he took the snack from her, "Thank you."

"Ah, ah, ah," she shook her finger from side-to-side like a representation of her head (where did she _get _these mannerisms?) and smiled the smile he was beginning to call, if only in his head, the Devil Smile, "Thank you, _who?" _

"Thank you…" he gritted his teeth, "Midori-_hime." _

"You're welcome, Itachi-_kun," _she beamed before taking a bite out of, he realized with exasperation, a second onigiri.

"You're going to get _fat," _he muttered under his breath before flicking his eyes at her quickly in caution—sometimes she seemed to have beast-like senses. When she didn't react, he returned to the food in his hand and took a bite.

Mm! It was good!

He took a bigger bite.

And another.

And another.

Too soon, the snack was gone. Itachi kept the disappointment from his face, but debated the possibility of getting away with licking his hand. After all, Midori did it all the time…

"Ahem," the girl cleared her throat pointedly—what did she want now? "Yuuka-san, I'll get half a dozen of those, please."

"Oh, you liked those, did you now? Coming right up, dearie. I'll add in two more for free!"

_Eight _more of those delicious onigiri…

…Not that they were for him, of course. She probably liked it. After all it _was _delicious.

…Maybe she'd let him have two? They were free after all…

Or maybe just one?

"Here," she passed him the box—was it all for him after all? "Put it in your scroll. I don't want to carry it around."

Oh. Right.

xXXx

Their training was interrupted, yet again, by Shisui. Even Itachi was becoming irritated by him, but he tolerated it because he annoyed Midori too.

"Oh hey there!" His cousin exclaimed in false surprise, "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Hello Shisui," Midori deadpanned, "What a coincidence that we would meet each other in this extremely unused training field that is partially hidden by the forest and nearly at the border of the village. How fortuitous that you would be passing by this area even though there are no paths or shops around at the same time we were going to use it."

He hid a smile. Sometimes Midori was blunter than a club. A lot of people didn't know how to deal with her straightforward words. Shisui included.

The famed Uchiha genius (the eldest of them three) flailed a little before rallying, "Y-yeah! Isn't it lucky? Ehehehe."

"Who put you up to this," Midori demanded, her voice gaining that edge to it that heralded pain, "I've been patient and tolerant of this whole charade and you should have gotten the information you wanted if it was just checking whether we're really engaged or getting along. And you _only _come around when we're _training _so…" she growled quietly, "Who's been asking you to spy on our _training." _

Itachi stared at her in askance. Shisui was probably just playing chaperone for the both of them—they were still young after all. He understood that she was annoyed but she was jumping to conclusions. As usual, her ability to shift from cheerful to irate surprised him.

He'll never understand girls…

"Ehehehehe," Shisui held up his hands placatingly, "I was just passing by, honest!"

Unfortunately, his older cousin had never dealt with an _angry _Midori. Annoyed, yes, angry, no. He wondered if it was alright to leave him to his fate.

The girl's eyes narrowed—another sign of danger. She was grinding her teeth now. Uh oh…

BAM!

Before he could blink, she had shunshined in front of Shisui and delivered an uppercut to his chin. Itachi winced—that was a painfully loud sound. As his cousin stumbled, she swept his feet and pressed a kunai to his neck.

Maybe she should have warned him about her speed…

And then he snorted. Shunshin no Shisui defeated with a Shunshin. He was never going to live it down…

"How the _hell _do you know _Shunshin?!" _the older boy yelped, "Miyuki-obaa-san hasn't taught you that yet!"

He blinked.

"And how do _you _know _that, _huh?" Midori raised a brow. She was baring her teeth in a cruel grin.

"Shisui…" Itachi frowned.

"Okayokayokay!" Shisui cried, "The elders just want to know if you have your Sharingan!"

Midori stared.

Itachi stared.

"They want to know if…?" she repeated, and then giggled. He transferred his stare from his cousin to his fiancée, the look going from mild disbelief to incredulity. Midori _never _giggled.

"They want to know if…?" she forced out between giggles before collapsing sideways. It was definitely different from regular giggling, Itachi determined after enough exposure. In fact, it was a rather demented version.

Giggles turned into cackles as time passed and then outright howling with a fist pounding the grass flat.

"Er…Itachi?" Shisui whispered, "Is she crazy?" He twirled his finger beside his temple to demonstrate the point.

He whispered, "It's worse than usual but…yes."

"I _heard that." _

His neck cracked as it snapped up. Oh no…

He elbowed his cousin and hissed, _"RUN!"_

"What? What do you mean—_aaaeeeiiiiiiii!" _

xXXx

When they had finally escaped the unleashed she-beast, Shisui nudged his cousin, "…So. _That's _your fiancée?"

"…"He nodded speechlessly.

"I know that you're no looker," Shisui coughed, "but surely there are others?" He continued, oblivious to the uncharacteristically apprehensive look on Itachi's face, "I mean, you'll grow into…_you, _and it's better to escape before that…er…_that _gets her hooks into you."

"Shisui."

"I mean, of course unless you _like _that type…"

"Shisui."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did, it makes sense actually…"

"Shis—_what?"_

"Huh? Well I always wondered why you avoided all the cousins who threw themselves at you. I mean a few of them were _literally _flinging themselves in your path. Of course they're after the clan-head-ship but I heard some of them say they thought your prowess in the field would translate to prowess in bed."

"_What?!"_

"That's to be expected of course, but you're still young. Well, I know everyone wants you to marry a younger girl, but there are benefits to an experienced woman, you know?"

"…_what."_

"And it's not unheard of to have two wives. Since you're clan head and everything. You could marry one of our cousins, and then make _her _the second wife."

"…"

"It's a solution isn't it? Hehehe, I'm so smart!"

"What's with that expression?"

"Itachi?"

"Itachi?"

"…How long has she been behind me? HURKK! _Why are you attacking me too?!"_

"_AAAAEEEEIIIIIIII!"_

"…"

"…"

"He's got a _really _girly scream, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"…I still haven't forgotten what you said."

".._."_

"I'm eating the onigiri in front of you."

_"NO!"_

* * *

**SO! Itachi can raise his voice after all! Hahahaha! I read his wiki page and found out he likes to eat onigiri with seaweed inside...which is...a reverse onigiri? What the...? And he likes CABBAGE. I mean...what? It's all rabbit food and then I suddenly got this image in my head of him nibbling on a cabbage head. LOL. I might include the cabbage thing later, but I couldn't resist the reverse onigiri. *snort***

**Here's a request when reading or rereading the dialogue. I wanted to add in actions but it seemed a little contrived. So: When Shisui is talking about lewd stuff, imagine him waggling his eyebrows. And Itachi's face goes from apprehensive during Shisui Shisui to gobsmacked (which means knitted brows for him I guess) to incredulous and then deadpanned. And I skipped the '...'s after because there wasn't a long enough pause between Shisui's questions to merit them.**

**Basically: Read the thing like you're reading a play. Because that's how I wrote it lol. **

**Poor Itachi. He didn't get any onigiri in the end...XDD**

**Memory25**


	8. Chapter 8

**So I'm building on interesting facts that I found from Naruto wiki. I'm really proud of the new entries I've added into the annals of the Uchiha. I hope you love it as much as I do! Hahaha.**

**But remember when I said this story is half-crack? Yeah. The second part is that other half non-crack. I hope that you enjoy it too, and that it makes you think as deeply as I did. ^^**

* * *

Some of the Uchiha traditions are rather old. And outdated.

Some are just plain irritating.

I tug at my high collared shirt and groan at the discomfort. I wasn't used to wearing something like this. I'd rejected the turtlenecks and been mostly successful in purging them from my wardrobe, but the traditional high collared shirt with the clan's Uchihwa?

Nope.

It was even beginning to interfere with my training. The high collar kept flopping around and distracting me during spars.

Mom wasn't very happy about that.

Stupid ridiculous floppy high collars.

I can't even be happy about the _colour_, because she'd decided that now I was betrothed, I had to be more 'feminine'.

Bah.

So my shirt is a light 'Sakura pink'. _Ugh. _

Have you _seen _an Uchiha walking around in a PINK shirt? Have you?

Nope. I'm the only lucky one.

Sakura pink is a girl's colour. And by 'girl' I mean 'female between the ages of one and twelve'. All my older cousins either have a shade of puce or maroon or forest green. The ones who that are kunoichi, that is. The civilian ones (and those are rare) wear turquoise, baby blue and periwinkle.

How do I know all these shades?

Because my future mother-in-law Mikoto-sama has started training me to be a young 'Uchiha Yamato Nadeshiko'. As opposed to a _normal _Yamato Nadeshiko.

What's the difference?

So far…not much.

But there are a few. Like 'emergency weapon stash etiquette'.

When you're married to a shinobi and are a kunoichi yourself, you have to agree on certain rules at home. One of the habits of ninja is the keeping of handy weapon stashes.

Of course, you don't want to hide your kunai in your husband's underwear drawer and have him cut himself while packing a change of clean underwear for a mission.

Or place a booby trap at the window and end up impaling him to the wall.

Or open the kitchen cupboards to get the tea set and find smoke bombs.

So…yeah.

Rules of the shinobi household.

Pretty cool huh?

As for what I've been doing outside of these lessons…well…I guess, training with Itachi, going on more play dates, help babysit Sasuke (ohmygawd so cute) and torturing Shisui.

Oh, my coming-of-age celebration is being planned. I'll have to re-demonstrate the Goukakyu (this time much bigger than the first one) and then I'll get a special gift from the clan with blessings. It's usually something that 'suits my personality', so I guess I'll have to see what the clan thinks is 'my personality'. From what I heard there were a few spectacular mismatches, but most of them were pretty on target.

Hmmm…

Oh well, nothing to do but wait and see. I'm going to go on a picnic with the Itachi's family now. We've been having quite a few of these family outings and let me tell you…

It's so _weird. _

Everyone is stiff and formal except Sasuke, and whenever I say something un-Uchiha-like, Fugaku-sama's brows disappear into his fringe and Mikoto-sama chokes.

Mom, on the other hand, doesn't react. But afterwards…

Yeah, she pretty much reams me out.

Ugh.

Mom's calling.

Alright, I'm going, I'm going.

Now if only I can get out of this pink shirt…

xXXx

It didn't take long before the Clan Head started working closely with the Fourth Branch Leader. The elders grumbled while the other branch leaders lamented the missed opportunity, but it was to be expected. As the branch that had contributed to the current head's marriage and was grandparent to the heir's, the Seventh retained status quo and didn't mind—there were _two _boys after all.

Of course, the couples were only just beginning to consider children again, but younger wives were the most ideal.

Perhaps they should wait a few more years? Sasuke was only three after all…

A five, no, four year difference? Surely, an engagement would not be made too early. Itachi had been an exception. Genii were, after all, exceptions to many things. So a girl within ten years would have a chance…

Maybe they should 'politely request' some of the kunoichi to retire. After all, mission casualty was a common thing and they were already having a slight…domestic…shortage. And even if they were a clan that understood kunoichi were worth as much as shinobi (sometimes…more), everyone appreciated a sweet and gentle wife waiting at home…

Like Mikoto-chan after she had retired. At twenty-two. After putting off her engagement with Fugaku-sama for eight years. Violently. With her famed Kokuangyo no jutsu that she had copied off the Sandaime and personalized.

On second thought…

Perhaps they should just let nature take its course and let the prospective mothers decide their own family themselves. After all, it was personal business. It wasn't as if they would _not _be having children after all…

But, that aside…

The Branch Heads had been Branch Heads for a long time.

They'd been around since Fugaku-sama was still Fugaku-kun and just a boisterous little boy who tossed any manner of shuriken he could lay his hands on. (The Fifteenth still winced at the memory of him throwing their heirloom Fuuma Shuriken and the dented blade that had to be carefully and expensively fixed) And they should rightly have become elders a long time ago, if only the stubborn old codgers would have the courtesy to just kick the bucket already.

But that was beside the point. *Cough*

They wanted grandchildren! What happened to all the cute babies they should be cuddling and spoiling? Sure, the Third War had the expected effects, and the…_Incident _had been a tragedy, but _surely_, it was time? It wasn't fair that only the First's elder got to gloat over his cute grandson after all!

(The first one…eh. Genii were exceptions. The kid would grow into his strength as per usual and with his mother's almond eyes and his father's…nose, he'd be a stunner. Never mind the strange lines on his face that made him look…uniquely…

Uniquely…

Matured! *Cough cough*)

Maybe they should start hinting to their daughters and nieces…

Ah, the meeting was about to start.

First, to gripe about the isolation of the Uchiha clan from the rest of Konoha (never mind they requested that themselves) and then to exchange information (gossip) and then to review the week's incidences that had required the intervention of the Police Force (the scrapes the Uzumaki boy got into…) and the state of the clan members' Mangekyo Sharingan (there had been at least one…not _good, _but useful outcome from the past few years…especially to the women who had miscarried or lost children).

The last discussion was the longest and the emphasis of this particular meeting. After all, the deterioration of one's eyesight in a clan that prided itself on it was a very sore point indeed. There was no cure for it, but the clan had long developed ways of slowing the damage. And those who had reached a certain stage would be advised to stop utilizing it so as to retain a somewhat acceptable vision. Those who refused would, alternately, be offered lessons in fighting blind.

And last but not least, the cataloguing of the various Mangekyo abilities so as to keep a record and at least some idea of training another who gained the same type.

Unfortunately, because the Mangekyo was very much based on the individual, the abilities…were adjusted to each person's personality. Generally, Uchiha mostly had the same traits. Almost everyone got Amaterasu and on average, that was it. Those who were stronger or had greater depth sometimes got either Tsukuyomi or Kamui.

And then there were people like Uchiha Tomaki, who had Ajisukitakahikone.

The name of a technique was mostly left to the originator. However, for Mangekyo techniques, the rule was that it had to be that of a Kami or at least something related to myth. It was a tradition started by Uchiha Madara himself, and was thus honoured and continued.

(The thought of whether they were going to run out of names was ruthlessly quashed)

Ajisukitakahikone was a Kami of thunder. A popular children's story went that in his infancy, his crying and screaming were so loud that he had to be placed on a boat and sailed away until he calmed.

(Of course, that was a story used to stop children from throwing tantrums)

Tomaki had gained a genjutsu ability that completely controlled one's hearing. And once placed, it could only be removed by the user. Even if the victim escaped, the genjutsu would remain for the rest of his life.

(One famous incident was of an Iwa jounin who had stumbled upon Tomaki near the border and left with a constant beeping in his left ear. Ten years later and he still had it, even though he had already gone deaf.)

When pressed to name his ability, Tomaki, who had a reputation as a cheeky and mischievous person, had come up with the Kami's name.

(And proceeded to master the saying of it until he became the only person who could say 'Ajisukitakahikone' in one breath without stumbling.)

Another example was Uchiha Yamashiki, who had named _his _Mangekyo ability Konohanasakuya-hime after the blossom-princess and symbol of delicate earthly life. Who was also the Kami of volcanoes.

Not that his ability had anything to do with volcanoes or blossoms or delicate earthly life. No, Yamashiki, a stout-hearted, loyal shinobi of Konoha, had named it thus because it contained his village's name.

That such a beautiful and feminine name would be used on the ability to cause selected shinobi within a radius to be magnetically pulled towards each other in a dogpile was…unfortunate.

(Yamashiki had always maintained that his skills were enough for any decent shinobi, and that the only thing he wished for was that his enemy be concentrated together. The better to burn them down in one Katon.

Incidentally, he remained one of the most esteemed shinobi in Konoha for having one of the highest kill counts. It helped that he had been around during the Second War.

On another note, none of the other villages ever figured out what jutsu was the one to cause the feared dogpile, since Yamashiki only ever cried out the first three syllables in his great loyalty. "KONOHAnasakuya-hime" was often drowned out by the other battle cries.)

Sometimes the clan wished that it didn't have the Mangekyo form at all.

xXXx

Being in the Uchiha clan was a very interesting and fun experience. Like learning about the history of the Uchiha even before the founding of Konoha. Surprisingly, it was easy to get people talking about how we were descended from the Rikudo Sennin himself, the mythology behind his great power, as well as the tale of the two brothers.

Of course, it was then that I discovered the underlying resentment carried by the whole clan, who not only carried the old grudge of the elder son, but found it insulting that the clan who had been entrusted by their ancestor had dwindled to only one remaining descendent who still carried the actual name.

Who had _left _the village.

And now, with the previous co-founder clan gone, the Uchiha felt that it was their right to step in and take the mantle of leadership. Certainly, Sarutobi Hiruzen, hand-picked successor of Hashirama himself, was a worthy Hokage. And Namikaze Minato had proven his worth after the Third War and especially the Incident.

But Hiruzen was old now, and there was still not clear candidate in sight. The Uchiha had put in the names of their strongest and brightest, but all had been rejected even though no alternative had been given. Merely saying, "They do not have the Will of Fire," Sandaime had turned all Uchiha candidates away.

I guess I could see why. Sure, as a shinobi who had outlived so much and even gained the moniker of God of Shinobi, Sandaime-sama had earned the right to be a cryptic bastard. But rejecting all those candidates with something that sounded like a fancy notion or vague excuse was just asking for people to take offense.

Obviously, Sandaime-sama was getting old, forgetting the political ramifications and all that. This wasn't just giving wise yoda words to a grasshopper after all. Though he probably saw it that way.

But bah. That wasn't any of my concern. Political bullshit was none of my business. Nope. Nada. Zip thy lips!

I'm not going to do anything.

Why you ask?

Well, let me ask you this one thing. Do you think that I, with just this one reason, would be able to stop a plan that had been in the making since Uchiha Madara?

Oh, you're asking me why don't I just reveal Danzo's intentions?

Okay, that's basically doing the same mistake Itachi-kun did. He went to Danzo and told him of the coup and then what happened?

Uchiha Massacre.

So if I go to the Clan Head, Itachi-kun's _father, _and tell him that his son had betrayed us and that Danzo knew of their plans…what would happen?

Itachi-kun executed and coup performed. A whole lot of bloodshed, whereby the Uchiha would either succeed, or die trying.

Don't kid yourself. The Uchiha would never succeed. Konoha has how many other clans? And you really think they'd take this revolt lying down? To make matters worse, our numbers are at an all-time _low. _And by the time of the coup, the replacements would still be, at best, five years old?

Ahahahaha. Yeah.

So in the end?

Still Dead Uchiha. Except probably Dead Itachi-kun as well. And Dead Sasuke-kun because he's the son of a traitor. And Dead Me too.

Basically the whole clan would be dead meat.

And after?

Who knows what the changes would wrought? Naruto becomes very powerful later on, but Sasuke had played a very large part in motivating him both as a rival and later, as a goal.

And Sakura? What happens to her without her love interest turned growing up catalyst turned goal?

Ahh…now you get it.

And what of the big picture? Tobi's still out there. Madara's plan is still in place. Danzo will still get his armful of Sharingan. Orochimaru might be missing a student, but again, who knows what happens? Maybe one of the bodies would 'accidentally' lose their eyes via his conveniently placed inside-nin, Kabuto?

So many variables, so many results to ponder.

And of course, you still have to take into account whether or not I'd even be _able _to change anything.

Take the previous example about warning the clan. In the end, the consequences are mostly the same, no? And it didn't do any good. In fact, I calculate that any action I take to purposely stir up the timeline would end in horror.

So I'm not going to do anything.

I've been given a second chance in life, but it's obvious it's on a limited timeframe. I'm not _supposed _to do anything to the plot. I'm just here to live my life as one of the Uchiha and die.

It's fine, really. I'm actually pretty grateful.

Yes, when I think about it, it's saddening, yes, I get frustrated at my helplessness, but when it comes down to it.

I'm actually relieved.

Can you imagine the burden of the plot resting on _my _shoulders? Hahaha.

I'm lazy, I'm selfish, I'm cynical.

I'm human.

And yes, I believe in fate.

I think that's probably the one thing Naruto gets wrong. After all, isn't he the 'prophesized child' who will save us all?

There is such a thing as fate, there is such a thing as destiny, but there's no such thing as a _doomed_ fate.

If you look at it, fate is neither kind nor cruel. A life can be filled with suffering, but also have its precious moments of unadulterated joy. I think you can use the saying 'it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all' as well as the philosophy that one cannot understand true happiness unless it has also experienced true suffering.

Maybe this all sounds like justification for my inaction. But when you put yourself in my shoes, I think you'd do the same.

Don't say 'of course not!' Don't say 'you're wasting such a good opportunity!'

I've read Naruto. I've read the manga and fanfictions of it. Yeah, I'm pretty familiar with the plot, the conspiracies, and even remember the little details like Itachi's favourite food.

So of course, I've read OC-insert fics.

One thing about OC fics that always kind of bugged me. They say that they're trying to change the fate of something or other, but in the end, not much is changed, right? You have this guy who's popular who survives, but all the events remain the same because basically the writers are lazy. Or they're not certain of the verse and don't know if changing would change other things or blah blah blah.

Basically, because you can't really calculate the Butterfly Effect, most of them just go along with the plot and change whatever they feel like changing and remove it altogether. So you get Jiraiya alive but not really causing many waves or you get Itachi alive but somehow everything ends the same.

Not that I'm complaining. I like stuff like that too.

But you have to know that it's different here. You have to know that that's not real life. Even with all that extra knowledge, you're not any better off than any regular person. You live and you die just like everyone else.

I died before I came here, and the life I had lead was full of struggles and bumps, but that is life. Everyone is the same. The biggest concern you're supposed to have, is how you're gonna live your life.

Someone once said: Worry about yourself before you worry about others.

How can _you_ call yourself a normal person and still think yourself within your rights to change someone's destiny? Are you willing to take responsibility if it is for the worse? How can _you_, with your normal intellect and normal skills and basic humanity, consider yourself worthy of playing the roles of Oracle, Hero, or even Puppeteer?

Unless someone plonked you into the world of Naruto and said: Here! This is your playground. Go forth and change!

Then yes, it is your right to play god.

Of course, you'd have to be given the appropriate skills too. And the appropriate knowledge. Which is not just the pre-determined timeline, but the effects every single one of your changes would wrought. You wouldn't be a normal person anymore, you'd _be _a god.

But that's not what happened here.

I'm a normal, if somewhat smarter girl. But most importantly, I'm still _human. _

Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do?

Me?

I'm just going to worry about myself. Or not-worry. The Uchiha Massacre will come and I will probably die.

I say _probably _even though it's almost _definitely _because…well…who wants to believe such a thing?

Hope springs eternal, right?

So I'm just going to worry about myself. And by that I really mean 'myself'. Not 'oh no, it's the time Hinta gets kidnapped! I shall stop it!' (that's in a few months' time) Or even just 'oh look! By happenstance, I see Naruto in the playground that I'm in. Let me befriend him.'

I _have _spotted Naruto a few times, actually. He's pretty fit for some of the abuse and neglect theories. He's also pretty sad-looking and with his big blue eyes it can be heart-breaking _and _he hasn't completely mastered the art of turning a deaf ear and pasting a smile on yet. The whole combination of lonely, scared-but-brave orphan child is pretty daunting but…

What's the point?

I don't trust myself to approach him without ulterior motives. I don't trust myself to be his friend just because I feel sorry for him. And even that is a pretty shitty reason to befriend a kid, even one as lonely as Naruto.

Basically, would our friendship be based upon real feelings? Am I befriending Naruto the orphan child with the big blue eyes or am I befriending Naruto the hero of Naruto manga? Or am I making nice with Naruto the jinchuuriki of the kyuubi? Or Naruto the kid who would give you his eternal loyalty with just a small kindness?

Am I doing it before he meets Iruka so that I'll be his first and thus always hold a special place in his heart? Will I take the place of Sasuke, being both an Uchiha and a prodigy, and thus hold an even bigger part of his heart? Will I be his teacher, his lover, his sister, his mother, his rival, his supporter, his leader or 'just' his friend?

See? It's not fair. Not fair to me but especially not fair to him. It's not right for you to know someone's life story without having experienced it with him. It's not just an unfair advantage, it's…

It's not real.

And it's not living a life for me. It's living a lie. I don't want to waste my life like that.

You might argue that meeting him would be by fate since I didn't do it on purpose. But _approaching him _is.

And if you think about it, Naruto doesn't need me. He survives just fine in canon. He has Iruka-sensei, Sasuke-teme, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei and all the other people in his story. So what purpose would it serve ingratiating myself to him when I wouldn't even compare in sincerity to any of them?

It's not just for his sake, but mine. This is my life. I'm the main character of it. I can't dedicate my whole life to being someone I'm not. To a lie of a relationship.

I'm going to live _my _life, for _me. _

It's easy when you think about it. It's just living. Well, living has its difficulties, but dying and being reborn has opened my eyes to the beauty of it. I think that, of all my past experiences, is the one thing that I truly appreciate.

It's 'I'll train and study and learn and play and laugh and cry and eat good food'. It's 'I'll train and study and learn all these things even though I'm going to die before I get to use them because I'm interested'. It's 'this is my life and my life is about me and I want to do things that are for me, about me, and of interest to me'.

It's live, love, and die.

Just like any normal human being in any universe in any world, where the first memories you make are the ones when you open your eyes.

* * *

**So here it is. It probably sounds like a rant lol. This whole eloquently put rant is the main ethos of my story. How strange that something so serious and deep would birth even 1% crack, huh? I guess that's just my brain. Hahaha.**

**But this is what I love about writing. The ideas that put these thoughts into me and that make me think deeply and search myself for the truth. Wow, that sounds so elegant. I owe myself a pat on the back.**

**Another part of writing I love is the laughs I can get. Did you read the Mangekyo section and end up with a shit-eating grin? Well let me tell you, I did the same when I was writing it. I probably split my face with it hahaha. And I most definitely grinned wider than you did. Why? Because I laugh at the scene but I also laugh at the reactions I think they'd incite, and then I get more laughs when the readers review back with all these funny and wonderful ideas and comments. All of you are so great! You keep me writing!**

**Wow. I'm almost pouring my heart out in this A/N. Hahaha. I'm glad to have gotten into writing. It definitely brightens my day. Getting reviews from all you awesome readers does the same too. And all the 'this update made my shitty day better' or 'this update was a good start to my morning' definitely made _my _day too. XD**

**So I guess this is a second rant (though officially recognized because it's in my A/N) and also a thank you. I only started (officially) writing fanfiction about a year and a half ago and the response I got was...heartening. Moving. Whatever that word is that means my heart goes lub-dubdubdub instead of lub-dub. XP**

**Memory25**

**P.S.**

**You have not seen the last of Midori. I realize this sounds like The End but noooooo I'm just getting started! And I already have so many scenes written out!**


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